T-Shirts are like machine guns. They fire so many bullets, so fast. Most everyone gets hit.
Funny T-Shirts are like special, imaginary friends who always know what we're thinking and always echo the sentiment.
Not everyone likes t-shirts. Some people like button-downs. Other's like polo shirts. What the hell is wrong with those people? How can you not like t-shirts? Those people are evil. They should all be hunted down and killed.
T-Shirts are like fuzzy little puppy dogs staples to cute, cuddly kittens. They're the best of everything presented in the most wonderfully offensive fashion.
T-Shirts are a great way to cover up your unsightly body hair, nasty scars and anything else unpleasant your torso has in store for the general public.
If you're really fat a shirt can really cover that up. Everyone will still see how fat you are, but if you wear a really cool one, maybe we won't point and laugh.
T-Shirts are like magic suits. They can make you invisible so you can spy on women in the shower. They protect you from bullets and knives. You can rob a bank and easily get away. They even make stupid people smart. Get one and you'll rule world.